Christina Ripley's Resume

A Tale of Three Snow Whites

Christina — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 20:21:39 +0000

Snow White is definitely having a moment in pop culture. I’ve got to be honest; she was always one of my least favorite Disney princesses growing up (Belle for the win!). Everything from her grandmotherly black poof and her ribbon headband to her nasally soprano singing voice, struck me as grating and unappealing. Plus, girlfriend was killed by a gross old hag offering her putrefying fruit, and brought back to life by a prince with a slight streak of necrophilia. In Snow’s defense, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was released in the early 1930’s, a time when the idea of an unmarried woman having male roommates (even if they were dwarves) was extremely scandalous. So, I guess Jess from New Girl can thank Snow White for blazing a trail in that regard.

In 2012, there will be not one, not two, but THREE Snow Whites onscreen, each fighting to be the “fairest of them all”…sorry but I couldn’t resist!

Once Upon a Time

The first of the Snow Whites already made an October premiere in ABC’s fantasy series Once Upon a Time. In this series, masterminded by the creators of Lost, the Evil Queen has cast a spell that banished all fairy-tale characters to a parallel universe in Storybrook, Maine. Ginnifer Goodwin, of Big Love fame, plays dual roles as Snow White and Mary Margaret Blanchard, Storybrook’s elementary school teacher. Her Snow White is a resourceful spitfire, with a penchant for robbing the Queen’s carriages to finance her revolt. Once Upon a Time has been renewed for a full first season, meaning Ginnifer will be part of the Snow White battle royale next year.

Mirror Mirror

Switching gears from television to film, the second Snow White will debut in March’s Mirror Mirror. Lily Collins, best known as Sandra Bullock’s daughter in The Blind Side, will play Snow White. This version seems to really play up humor and absurdity, almost to the point of camp: just check out the trailer. Snow White is again, on the run in the forest in a Robin Hood costume, but she seems to have less edge than Goodwin’s Snow White. She playfully jokes with the dwarves and delivers most of her lines with a certain amount of froth and lightness. But, I’m still horrified at the thought of Armie Hammer, as the Prince, licking himself like a dog. Mirror Mirror will be released March 16, 2012

Snow White and the Huntsman

A much darker interpretation of the fairytale, Snow White and the Huntsman features a youth sucking Evil Queen (think Hocus Pocus), a bloody civil war and a prominently featured role for the often-overlooked Huntsman. Kristen Stewart’s Snow looks a bit like Joan of Arc, with her threatening armor, sword and shield. Unfortunately, the first trailer is all but dedicated to the Evil Queen, so we don’t have a clear picture of her personality as of yet. But, we can guess that she will be much more gritty and serious than Lily Collin’s bouncy Snow White. This is also just a guess, but I bet Stewart’s Snow White will probably brush the hair away from her eyes constantly and have god-awful posture. Snow White and the Huntsman charges into theaters on June 1, 2012.

Click here to watch the trailer

Which Snow White is your favorite, so far? Which portrayal looks the weakest? Sound off below!

Parks and Rec Recap: Kiss and Tell

Christina — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 21:59:19 +0000

Local elections be damned! Ben and Leslie finally decided to throw caution to the wind last night and lock lips after a 2-month break. I’m convinced that I could hear a collective sigh of relief among the Parks and Rec faithful (That’s right! There are dozens of us!) at approximately 8:56 pm when said kiss went down Indiana’s smallest park. Is there a cuter will-they-or-won’t-they couple on TV right now?

So how did one of my fav. prime time pairings end up macking in an adorable, 0.000003 square mile park? Like so many Parks and Recs episodes, the new project was entirely Leslie’s idea: create Indiana’s smallest park! Chris approved since the project was inexpensive and miraculously had public support. Ben shocks Leslie by announcing that this will be the last project he teams up with her on. Sunshiney Leslie is upset, assuming that the two of them remaining friends after their breakup would be better than separating entirely. Ben doesn’t agree.

This revelation sends Leslie into a tailspin, and she attempts to delay the park’s opening until 2070. But for once, the disgruntled Pawnee citizens at her town meeting are actually in favor of something. There’s a first time for everything! Frustrated, Leslie chats with Anne Perkins who informs her that she’s a “steamroller” aka someone who disregards the opinions of others to get her way. Eh. She’s works in government! She has to be a steamroller. Wiser, Leslie decides to confront Ben and offers him a compromise: instead of cutting each other out, she would rather get back together. They kiss. Aw! But will they actually stick to this? I don’t really want to see another Ben/Leslie breakup this season. Once was enough!

In other, non-Leslie/Ben news, Tom and Jerry created a new logo for the Parks Department, and Andy enrolled in a community college class with a little help from the Ron Swanson scholarship program.

Back to the kiss: I assumed that after last week’s epic Model UN showdown, we’d have to wait until the end of the season (or at least for a recurring guest star/love interest for one of them) to see their romance rekindled. Really excited to see that Parks and Rec avoided falling into an Office-esque love triangle cliché. Well done, writers!

My favorite line of the night:

“I think that Comic Sans always screams fun, right? But, man, those R’s in Helvetica, they’re just really popping for me.” —Jerry

I doubt many people got this joke, but as a typography geek, I loved it!

Book Review: Catching Fire

Christina — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:47:27 +0000

Sequel to the action-fueled, dystopian novel The Hunger Games, Catching Fire is slowed down by sluggish start but packs an electrifying ending (literally). I was a huge fan of the first book but reluctant to read further, worried that the sequels would pollute my appreciation of the first book. What can I say? I still have painful scars from reading Breaking Dawn {shiver}. Despite having to muddle through 200 pages or so, the action finally picked up toward the end and left me wanting more.

For those not familiar with the series, the story is set in a dystopian future where the regions of the US have been divided into 12 districts, all ruled over by the evil, omnipotent “Capitol.” Each year, 1 boy and 1 girl from each district, between the ages of 12-18 must compete in the Hunger Games, a fight to the death inside a deadly arena. The spectacle is broadcasted all over the country, a symbol of the Captiol’s complete power.

After becoming the first dual winners of the Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark return home to the impoverished mining region of District 12 richer and more famous than they could have ever imagined. In the first book, the two “faked” a romance and suicide pact during the Hunger Games to win the audience’s sympathy. This allowed both of them to be declared victors, while simultaneously putting them in the Capitol’s crosshairs for committing a public act of defiance.

The first half of Catching Fire deals with the fallout from Peeta and Katniss’ Hunger Games victory. One of the main themes of the series is the effect of war and violence on the psyche of young people, so spotlighting Katniss and Peeta’s emotional pain and recurring visions of the horrors they saw in the Hunger Games arena makes sense. However, it wasn’t written in a very compelling way. Suzanne Collins’ stories work best when they focus on action. She really isn’t great at writing about personal, introspective moments.

At any rate, Katniss and Peeta are sent back to the Hunger Games arena (I won’t reveal why or how) and that’s when the story really gets going again. The last 150 pages redeem the plodding first acts.

Because this is a Young Adult novel, there’s an obligatory love triangle. Katniss is torn between feelings for her longtime friend, Gale, and her developing admiration for Peeta. I’ve always found Gale to be a one-dimensional character (unlike Katniss and Peeta), so I couldn’t sympathize with the romantic drama. There’s really no reason to up the stakes in a novel where impending death is constantly around the corner. Murder has a way of making everything else seem trivial. But that’s just my opinion.

Bottom line- Stick with the book; don’t get frustrated with the slow pace of the first half. The end is extremely satisfying and guarantees that you’ll be itching to pick up Mockingjay, the final book in the series, after you turn the last page.

If you haven’t seen it already: here’s the trailer for the Hunger Games movie, which will be released in March. I can’t wait. They’ve cast some extremely talented actors and it looks excellent.

Bad Movies I Love: How to Deal

Christina — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 16:45:19 +0000

Don’t you just love cornball teen flicks where almost every stereotypical life event occurs in the span of 90 minutes? How to Deal has it all: untimely death, parental divorce, teen pregnancy, first love and post-crisis lesbian haircuts. The plot is nonsensical, the actors are terrible, and the costumes look like they are from K-Mart. Any one of these elements alone would just make a crappy movie. But added together, they make How to Deal immensely entertaining for all the wrong reasons.

Let’s try and dissect the plot shall we? We first meet Halley (Mandy Moore) while she’s practicing some yoga on the walls of her bedroom. The first thing you notice when this movie begins is Halley beyond hanus weave. Seriously, this thing looks so much like braided dead cat fur that even Tyra Banks would scoff. Thankfully it gets chopped off about 10 minutes into the movie, but its scragginess steals the show. Halley’s parents’ divorce has just been finalized, causing her to dub the day “Big, ugly hat day” (?), so obviously things are a bit tense around her house.

Despite her parents’ bad luck with marriage, Halley’s bizarrely round-faced sister is in the process of planning her wedding to a sexually ambiguous, rich nerd named Stuart. Obviously, we know from the get-go that these two will break up midway through, before reconciling just in time to end the movie with their wedding. Check and check.

She should have auditioned out for 16 and Pregnant.

Halley also has a BFF named Scarlett. She has red hair (naturally) and likes to have PG-13 sex with her soccer star/part time wanna be 90’s boybander boyfriend. One day, boyfriend literally falls over dead after waving to the crowd during a soccer game, making his expiration the most bizarre in teen-flick history. Two weeks later, Scarlett finds herself craving grapefruit and barfing after smelling soap, which can only mean one thing: teenage pregnancy! The drama never stops.

The divorce has given Halley the stereotypically bitter feelings about love and relationships that are usually reserved for Katherine Heigl movies. But this is a teenage rom-com so someone is contractually obligated to show up and open Halley’s heart to the possibility of true love. Enter Macon, the geeky but beautiful early 2000’s hipster determined to sweep Halley off her feet. How could he not, with a name that rhymes with a delicious, crispy breakfast entrée?

But there’s more! How to Deal also features:

- A dramatic car crash

- A pot smoking grandma

- And a sexually frustrated dog that humps legs at inopportune times

Do all of these plots sound completely haphazard and unrelated? They are. How to Deal is like Spam. It’s made from bits of used plot elements ground-up, and processed until they become a baffling glob of goo. All of the drama in this movie is overblown and bizarre, yet somehow you are entertained. I’m sticking with my VHS copy, but the movie can likely be purchased in the $5 bargain bins at Wal-Mart nationwide.

Review: In Time

Christina — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:09:12 +0000

In Time brings the old cliché “Time is Money,” to life…albeit it in the form of a disjointed and uneven thriller starring Justin Timberlake, and a really distracting flapper wig worn by Amanda Seyfried. The trailers intrigued me, but I’m disappointed to report that the movie doesn’t live up to its attention-grabbing premise.

It’s the future. I’m not sure how far into the future to be exact, considering pretty much everything looks like it could be on loan from 2011, including clothes, cars and home décor. Humans no longer age after reaching 25. Why 25? Probably because that’s the age Hollywood feels like actors/actresses reach their peak physical attractiveness. Every person is embedded with a glowing digital watch that counts down the seconds until his or her life ends. Once 00:00:00 is reached on the clock, an electric shock is sent to their heart, resulting in instant death. Money doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, everyone must pay for the things they purchase by depositing “time” into futuristic grocery-store scanners. The poor life day to day, trying to scrounge up enough time to wake up in the morning. The rich live for hundreds of years.

Justin Timberlake is a poor guy. Amanda Seyfried is a rich girl. They hook up and try to right the wrongs of the flawed “income” disparity between the classes. Sadly, this mostly consists of car chases and really easy bank heists. The movie even fails to deliver on exploiting Justin Timberlake’s sex appeal: his abs get about 2 minutes of screen time. Total letdown.

Who made the anti-aging discovery? Who ingrains the clocks into every newborn human child? I was expecting a final confrontation scene with the engineer of the wrist clock system a la “The Architect” in The Matrix Reloaded. No such luck. Apparently things are the way they are, and no one in this world attempts to discover the explanation behind the system. Which is lame, because I would have rather seen Justin Timberlake face off with a big bad, instead of watching him inanely rob a bank with Amanda Seyfried and her awful wig.

Grade: D

“Happy” News :)

Christina — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 19:20:50 +0000

Celebrate the fact that talented comedy actors/writers are staying employed! Penny, Max, Brad, Jane, Dave and Alex are sticking around until 2012, because ABC picked up Happy Endings for a full season this morning. Meaning more awkward Penny dates, more sarcastic Max quips and more trips to “Steak Me Home Tonight.” If you STILL aren’t watching, here are 4 a-mah-zing things you are missing out on:

1) The magic of Vision Boards

2) Celebrating disgustingly large sandwiches

3) Duping annoying Chicago tourists with fake limo tours

4) The world’s greatest Halloween costume

Modern Family Recap- Can I Get Yo’ Numba?

Christina — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 19:16:02 +0000

Although I didn’t enjoy it as much as the Gays/Girls Night Out-centric episode from two weeks ago, last night’s episode of Modern Family was solid, peppered with memorable lines (mostly from Cam) and guest star appearances. Leslie Mann and Jennifer Tilly stopped by for some fun, and I especially loved seeing the return of Jay’s sexually ambiguous buddy, Shorty. Here we go! Commencing recap:

While out at a bar with a few friends, Cam, offended by Mitch’s belief that he’s too flaming to pass as straight, makes a bet that he can score a woman’s (Leslie Mann) phone number. Cam is probably my favorite character, so watching him try to “straighten up” and charm a woman was both adorable and hilarious. He succeeds in scoring the number, but later that night, feels completely guilty for leading her on. Determined to make things right, he decides to invite her over and break the news. Only Cam would feel guilty about lying to a random person in a bar. But that’s why we love him. Disappointingly, Leslie Mann didn’t get to shine until near the end of the show. Writers, I hope you’re planning on bringing her back this season! By the way…where was Lily during this whole episode?

Switching over to Casa Dunphy, Haley is in the throes of writing her college admission essay about an obstacle she had to overcome during her lifetime. Haley’s response was to criticize her mom for giving her a sheltered, comfortable life. How was she supposed to write the essay when she hadn’t needed to overcome any obstacles? Claire’s response was to take Haley on a road trip to a particular spot in the woods to show evidence of obstacles that Claire had endured when she was a teen.

Biggest obstacle she's overcome: Learning how to turn on the complicated TV

I really like when the writers reference Claire’s “bad girl” past, because it puts a spin on the ways most one-dimensional TV moms are portrayed. Claire has a personality beyond being motherly. She has a believable past and quirks (which is a testament to how well developed these characters are). Anyway, instead of being a shocking revelation about something crazy Claire did, the road trip ended up being an excuse to dump Haley in the middle of the woods and see if she could make her way home. Haley was furious, but Claire’s claimed that now she had overcome an obstacle and had something to write about for her essay. Funny, but I was still hoping for a good teenage Claire story, so I felt slightly let down.

Also at the Dunphy house, Phil and Luke attempt to build a tree house in the backyard. Feeling nostalgic for the ease of childhood friendships, Phil tells Luke how much harder it is to make friends as an adult. But, by the end of the episode, Phil has made friends with his next-door neighbor. Surprisingly, they’d lived next to each other for 8 years, but never bothered to talk before. Tree house magic brought them together! Definitely not my favorite Phil storyline, but Ty Burell can really do no wrong so I still enjoyed it.

And finally, we reach the weakest story of the night: Gloria wants Jay to go salsa dancing. He claims he can’t dance. Um, didn’t he take her one time during Season 1? Manny tried to teach him, Mitch gave him baby Tylenol ecstasy…it’s just not even worth my time to recap because nothing was very clever.

Favorite line of the night: “I won cutest baby at the 1974 Jasper County Fair. People at the time said I could go Gerber.” — Cam

Episode Grade: B

Trailer Spot: We Need to Talk About Kevin

Christina — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 16:44:45 +0000

Psychotic kids have to come from somewhere…right? Meet Kevin. Sure, he has a few issues. His parents have split up and he doesn’t seem to get along with mother very well. But those seem like relatively normal problems for a teenaged boy.

Except: his mother doesn’t seem to think those are “normal” problems. She’s convinced that Kevin is actually a deeply disturbed child (a real life “Dexter” if you will), and has been depraved since he was born. But no one believes her, especially not Kevin’s father. Is Kevin’s behavior really “psychotic” or is it being exaggerated by his mother’s imagination?

Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly play Kevin’s parents, while (relative) newbie, Ezra Miller, plays the titular character. The movie looks to be part twisty, psychological thriller and part meditation of the complexities of raising a child. After all, if Kevin is psychotic, then his mother should be (at least partially) responsible. Looks interesting and garnered some buzz at the 2010 Cannes. What do you think? Will you be talking about Kevin? The movie hits theaters in January 2012.

GASP! Kim K’s Marriage Dies After Only 10 Weeks

Christina — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 19:39:57 +0000

No doubt you’ve heard the heartbreaking news: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are getting divorced. That big assed kewpie doll and her second-rate, NBA player beau were like America’s version of William and Kate…except douchier and without any taste or sophisticated grammar. But now that the fairytale is over, who are the winners and losers from this overhyped, 3 months of marital bliss?

Winners

E!- E! has proven that for reality stars, the wedding is actually more important than the marriage, itself. Congrats! Your network star is single again! Viewers will no doubt tune into the new season of Kim and Kourtney take New York to watch the Humphries’ marriage crumble. Ratings gold! Also, a whole new world of storylines open up as Kim will struggle to get back into the dating world and meet new professional athlete boyfriends.

Length of Marriage is Inversely Related to Tabloid Coverage

Reggie Bush- According to People Magazine, you were “heartbroken” about Kim’s marriage. Now’s your chance to win her back! Or just grab some rebound sex. Either way, good thing you weren’t the sap on the other end of those wedding specials, am I right?
Tabloids- Every weekly magazine has to be PUMPED that Kim filed on Monday, instead of later in the week. Giving US, InTouch, OK and Life and Style the perfect amount of time to put together a cover story for this week. “WHAT WENT WRONG” “KRIS LIED TO ME” and “KIM STORMS OUT: IT’S OVER”: Tabloid Headlines coming to a grocery store near you!
Kris Jenner- Score! She no longer has to share a name with a son-in-law.

Losers

E!- Hopefully E! got the cash they needed from airing Kim’s Wedding special. Fatigue, disillusionment and (let’s face it) mind-numbing annoyance, will keep anyone from fully embracing a “Fairy Tale” E! wedding, ever again.
Kris Humphries- Wave goodbye to all of those talk show appearances, mountains of free stuff and copious E! publicity, Mr. Humphries. Not only will his gig at E! dry up, but the NBA lockout could put an end to his basketball season. Poor Kris gets to look forward to being publically jilted and unemployed. Although, the split will give him a chance to find someone more willing to move back to Minnesota and raise little Humphries babies. If you’re really looking for a stay at home mom, Kris, you might want to avoid marrying a socialite with a sex tape.
Anyone who bought the couple a wedding gift- Kim is definitely not giving up any of those Hermes Presentation Plates, or Swarovsky crystal candy dishes without a bloody catfight.

I hope that engagement ring can be pawned...

That giant cake- You KNOW there were mountains of cake just chilling in the Kardashian refrigerator for Khloe and Bruce to snack on. FYI, I’m not calling them fat. I’m just pretty sure those two are the only ones who would actually eat cake in that house. Now, that $20,000 decadent, chocolate deliciousness will all likely be tossed down the garbage disposal.
Scott Disick- With Kris gone, Scott will go back to being the series’ main douche/source of sisterly drama.

Neutral: Kim Kardashian
At the end of the day, she’s still Kim Kardashian. Did anyone actually expect this marriage to last, anyway?

Trailer Spot: In Time

Christina — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 21:13:48 +0000

This week, up against Dreamwork’s Puss in Boots and Johnny Depp’s The Rum Diary, is the new science fiction fueled thriller, In Time. Starring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, In Time presents a dystopian world where humans no longer age past 25, but must use “time” as currency to pay for everyday living. Apparently, the upper class holds a monopoly on time, allowing them to stay young and powerful forever: while everyone else is forced to watch their time slip away. Drawing parallels to today’s current economic climate using allegory? Very sneaky, Hollywood!

Given the tidbits revealed in the trailer, I’d say that Justin Timberlake’s character is some sort of rogue, badass thief turned altruist, trying to make up for time he’s stolen from innocent people over the years. The big bad is none other than Angel’s obnoxious son Connor, Vincent Kartheiser. I believe it. I’ve always known that guy was pure evil; just look what he did to my beloved vampire series. And it looks like Amanda Seyfried is playing Vincent/Connor’s rebel daughter that has recognized the douchiness of her dad’s ways. She’s jumped over to Justin Timberlake’s, infinitely sexier and more action-packed, side of the class warfare…which probably won’t make daddy too happy.

The movie has a pretty interesting premise, although I doubt the execution will be as good as the set-up. I hope I’m pleasantly surprised! I’m planning on seeing the movie on Friday night.

In Time opens on October 28, 2011.